"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

This morning Gage and I were riding in the car talking about all the plans for this weekend and how much fun it was going to be to spend Easter in Southeast Missouri with family next week. Interested to see what kind of response I would get, I asked Gage if he knew what Easter meant. He simply answered, "Chickens." Add that to the list of parenting fails. I reminded myself he was only 2 and tried to stumble my way through explaining the meaning of Easter in a way he might grasp. He listened and replied, "I want to go there someday. You take me to Heaven sometime?" Through the tears I said, " You bet buddy, you'll go there one day." As they have a way of always making you laugh...after making you cry (good or bad), he follows it up with "But first I want to go to Kailyn's house and see her toys. She has so many toys!"

Appropriately, this was my devotion this morning:

All people will know that you are my followers if you love each other. - John 13:35

    Watch a small boy follow his dad through the snow. He stretches to step where his dad stepped. Not an easy task. His small legs extend as far as they can so his feet can fall in his father's prints.
    The father, seeing what the son is doing, smiles and begins taking shorter steps, so the son can follow.
    It's a picture of discipleship.
    In our faith we follow in someone's steps. A parent, a teacher, a hero—none of us are the first to walk the trail. All of us have someone we follow.
    In our faith we leave footprints to guide others. A child, a friend, a recent convert. Non should be left to walk the trail alone.
    It's the principle of discipleship.

Think for a moment of the footprints you are leaving for others. Will others be blessed by following your steps?
- Grace for the Moment, Max Lucado

Wow. Something that can be so easy to become lazy about and forget it is our responsibility, and privilege, to leave discipleship footprints every.single.day.

A year later. 02/27/2012

This week last year we were eagerly waiting to hear if we had been accepted into the Ethiopian adoption program. We were so excited, anxious and scared to death. At the time, we were informed the paperwork phase would take 4-6 months and the current wait time for a referral after paperwork was 7-11 months. In our naive optimism, we thought "Well, we'll be all over that paperwork and have it whipped out in 4 months and then surely it wouldn't take the full 11 months to get a referral...{insert wide-eyed, ridiculous grin}." I quickly learned the most talked about secret to adoption was so true...you do not have control of 95% of it. Sure, I had all our side of the paperwork done within the first month, then you wait...and wait...and wait on everyone else to do their part. It was almost 6 months to the day for us to finish our paperwork and become DTE (Dossier to Ethiopia). By that time, the "great Ethiopian adoption slowdown" had already begun and we knew those original time frames we had engrained in our minds were impossible. There was a little part of me that still held on to the notion we would be bringing home a baby in 2012...turns out we will, just not how we expected {more on that later}. On Friday we celebrate 6 months of being DTE, a wait that before would have been close to the end, is now not anywhere close.
Let's rewind though. After reluctantly accepting we would be waiting "an undetermined amount of time" for a referral, I had a rough few weeks. I know God's timing is perfect, I've heard it a 457 times, but I was really doubting it at that moment. I still struggle with it. Millions of orphans needing homes, thousands of families ready and waiting...what's the problem? Why should this be a process that takes YEARS? {don't feel the need to tell me all the reasons, I've heard them all and still can't wrap my brain around it}.
During this time our agency started accepting families into a concurrent family building program. Prior to this, if a family wanted to pursue a second adoption or pregnancy, you lost your place in the wait line. The new program would allow you to go through an application process with the agency as well as with your social worker to be approved to pursue one of these avenues while keeping your place in line. We had talked about the idea of 3 kids before, but always said that decision wouldn't be made until well after the adoption was complete. But here we were, in the land of uncertainties. Should we, shouldn't we, was this what our long wait was meant for, are we being impatient, why does 3 kids sound so scary right now? After a lot of prayer and emotionally draining discussions, we decided to move forward with the process and apply to pursue a concurrent pregnancy. Very soon after being accepted, we confirmed we were already expecting. Let me tell you when you have been immersed in adoption...realizing you will have a baby in a little less than 7 months is scary fast.
Today I heard the strong and healthy heartbeat of the baby we will be bringing home in 2012. I'm still struggling to settle in to a place of acceptance for how our path has changed. For one full year I have dreamed and prayed for this baby on the other side of the world that most likely isn't even a thought in their birth mother's mind yet. I don't like feeling as though she has been forgotten about...because she certainly hasn't in our minds. We now pray for our "babies" that we will be bringing home. She will just be coming home to 2 siblings instead of 1. Tyler now has to deal with me being paper pregnant and physically pregnant. Say a prayer for him as he handles a range of emotions that will undoubtedly be off the charts.

Slow.Movement. 01/20/2012

Those are the only two words I have been able to use lately in regards to the world of Ethiopian adoptions. It's like watching paint dry, though I will take slow movement over no movement. Just this week our agency gave out 2 more referrals. Even though we are so far down the list it hardly makes a ripple for us, I still get SO overjoyed each time I read the posts on our agency's site from the new parents. I get chills every time I look through photos of their precious children. And I cry every time I watch one of their meetcha and gotcha day videos. (I dare you right now to watch one of those and not cry). Families are still traveling for court dates and thattookforevertoget embassy appointments. Still, it is all delivering something so needed for so many families right now - hope. That's what you cling to, the hope that you will see that face someday. I'm past guessing and worrying how long that will be (cause it's gonna take awhile if I haven't mentioned that yet), I just want to know it will happen. That we will be boarding a plane to Africa to meet a child that God has known long before we ever did. We don't have that guarantee, but we have hope.

"Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD." - Psalm 31:24

While we wait. 11/29/2011

This Friday, December 2nd marks 3 months that our paperwork has been in Ethiopia. Some days I can't believe how fast the time is passing, then there is every other day...when I feel no closer than the day we started. The fact that we were in the thick of this when major slowdowns began happening in Ethiopian adoptions may seem like bad timing, but I believe God had other plans for us while we wait. When God opens your eyes and heart to 1 John 3:18 and James 1:27, that mission doesn't begin or end with an adoption, that is just part of the story. If willing, God will break your heart for what breaks his and instead of idly watching life go by you make the decision to do something. Here are some things we plan to do during the wait...and beyond.
SERVE
We are blessed to be part of a local church with a heart for service. Among the many opportunities there are to serve, I'm excited that next month I will have the honor of editing family photos for a Help Portrait event. From working in the nursery to volunteering our time, we are making a conscious effort to say YES! to serve and be involved whenever possible.
STEP OUT
Adoption is a step out of the comfort zone for many, it is for us. Stepping outside of "normal" can be a wonderfully life changing experience. Tyler is going to be taking a step out this summer and I am so excited for him. He will be traveling with a group from our church to the Dominican Republic. Through a partnership over the next 5 years our church will assist in many projects and on this trip they will begin the construction of an educational building for local kids (who otherwise wouldn't be able to attend school because of the cost). I'm so proud of him for wanting to go and serve on this trip.
SUPPORT
The adoption and orphan care community that I am slowing immersing myself into is nothing short of amazing. So many wonderful people and stories. From ornaments to t-shirts, we are acquiring quite the collection of fundraising support items. It never feels like enough, but I love being even a small part of an adoption or missions story. Tyler jokingly asks every time I give him a new adoption shirt if we should cut back and make sure our adoption is funded first...I smile and he proudly wears the shirt the next day every.single.time.
STUDY
In our application letter to the Ministry of Women, Children and Youth Affairs in Ethiopia, we pledged, among many things, to teach our child of their rich Ethiopian heritage. We meant every word in the letter which means we have a lot of studying to do over the next few years.
SAVOR
For every year I wish to fast forward so we can meet our baby, I wish to rewind 2 to keep my baby from growing up. The below transformation happened in one blink, I'm not kidding.

This process can consume you, your thoughts, your daily life. I don't want to be so focused on what will happen in our future that I miss what is happening right now. There is nothing I enjoy more than spending time with my family....exactly as they are, right at this very moment.
SHARE
Those that know me are aware that I am not a fan of speaking in front of groups, especially not about anything "serious". Somehow this year has included speaking at a women's ministry event and being a part-time life group leader...these are scary things for me. Jury is still out on the success of those events. Nonetheless, if I encourage just one person to consider adoption through sharing our story, it's worth anxiety of speaking up. If I get just one person interested in sponsoring a child or donating to an orphan care ministry through this blog, it's worth the time and courage it takes to document the good times and bad times we encounter along the way. If I comfort just one person by praying with them in life group, it's worth the weekly commitment. If I can share the love and grace of our Savior with just one person, it makes it all worth it.

Pure and lasting religion in the sight of God our Father means that we must care for orphans and widows in their troubles, and refuse to let the world corrupt us. - James 1:27

Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. 1 John 3:18

MIA 10/20/2011

Our 1 month DTE-versary came and went and I completely failed to post an update. Though...that would have been the only update, that our paperwork had been in Ethiopia for 1 month :) Nevertheless, I will try and update a little more frequently.
We recently got an email from our agency that seemed to be laying the ground work for another wait time increase. So, the 10-17 month referral wait we are at currently will likely grow in the next month or so.
Are we disappointed?
Of course, no one is more ready to meet her child than ->this lady<-
Does it help to worry about something we have no control over?
Nope, not one bit.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Safe and sound. 09/07/2011

Our dossier has made it safely to Ethiopia, this news allowed me to take my first deep breath since the second those papers left my hands. I have been tracking it's journey the last few days and must say I am a bit jealous. Check out all the fun stops along the way:

Memphis is the only place on the list I have been to. No disrespect to the king, I enjoyed Graceland, the jungle room, Lisa Marie airplane and all, but the other destinations seem way cooler.
{Glass half full} At least I know someday I will be landing in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia just as our paperwork did. Is 11-18+ months too far away to start planning and dreaming of that day? #ithinknot

The Journey of the Dossier 08/25/2011

Our paperwork is finished...it's almost hard to believe. Last Friday we received the I-171H (Immigration Approval) which was the last piece to our Dossier. Everything was carefully packed in several layers of FedEx envelopes and sent off. Do you know how hard it was to watch 6 months of work and original documents thrown in a pile of packages that all look the same?! I wanted to run behind the counter, grab it and hand deliver it to Virginia. I resisted, and it safely made it to our agency's office (which of course happened to be the day they experienced an earthquake!) Our family coordinator has been thoroughly going through it this week to make sure all the i's are dotted and t's crossed...literally. Next week it will be taken by courier to the State Department in D.C. where it will go through another round of authentication before beginning the journey to Ethiopia. Our official DTE (Dossier to Ethiopia) date will be September 2nd, the day before my sister's birthday!
Now the real wait begins. Our current projected wait to referral is 11-18 months. Plenty of time to save money, share about adoption and pray for our daughter and her birth family.

Loss for words. 08/11/2011

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It is hard to find the right words when praying about our adoption. I have noticed during our family prayers before meals we have both resorted to tacking on at the end "...and be with the adoption, amen." It has become very generalized. I know sometimes in my personal prayers I want to say "ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS RIDICULOUS WAIT? HURRY UP AND BRING OUR BABY HOME!" Then I remind myself that all the events that lead up to a child becoming an orphan and needing a family are tragic and heartbreaking. I don't like feeling like I am praying for that to happen to a child. We need to move from a place of {a family waiting for a child} to {a waiting family for a child}. If our agency called tomorrow and said, "Great news, all parents are now healthy and capable of raising their children so there is no need for you anymore," we would rejoice in that! Can you imagine what an answer to prayers that would be...no more orphans?
Is that realistic? Probably not.
We need to be praying for every child who has to deal with the pain and suffering of losing their family, whatever the circumstances, wherever they are. We need to pray that God will prepare us to be the family we need to be for a child who has experienced this loss. So...we wait. Despite the timelines we have in our head {that we obsessively think about and plan towards}, we need to be still and if the day comes that a child needs a forever home, we'll be ready to welcome them into ours.

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One page left. 08/08/2011

Today Tyler and I went to Ft. Smith to have our electronic fingerprints taken at the USCIS office. Now we just wait for our approval letter from immigration (should take about 3 weeks to receive) and our dossier will be complete. Here's to a quick turnaround of that approval!